The Beard Witch

Every morning, some villages wake up to the sound of the cock crowing; others wake up to the voice of the talking drum, but these days in Ikot Usong-Isang, we wake up to wailings and we know what that means; another young man's beard has been taken by the beard witch.

As we gather in the town hall, questions range from “Whose beards did the witch take?” to “Have the women finished cooking the village breakfast?” “Udo Obong was last night's victim, and I saw the beard witch." Someone answers. I turn around and see Kufre, his beards dripping palm wine on his knee as he speaks. I want to ask him more about what he saw, but someone drags me away by my scarf. “Where did you disappear to yesterday? How many times will I warn you not to go and do

your own investigation for the beard witch? You know the rules. Face the kitchen and leave work for the able-bearded men.” She lets go of my scarf and holds my brother’s hands. "But mummy, I am so close to finally…"

I am interrupted by the town crier, who bangs his gong for attention. Obong is on the platform.

“The witch attacked my Udo last night the same way my Akpan was attacked the other night. The witch appeared inside his room from thin air, used a rope to cover his eyes, cut his beards, and then used Udaiya Idap leaves to make him sleep before disappearing.” Obong explains, but I am distracted by something sticking out of the pocket of Kufre’s trousers; Udaiya Idap leaves.

“My last son, Udoudo is now under protection. We have able-bearded guards searching the forests for the witch, so don't worry, we will capture the witch soon." Four able-bearded men climb the platform, all their beards resting against their knees. Everyone claps for them, same as they did yesterday, even though they have failed at their mission twice. Perhaps women should be given a chance at this investigation, but sadly, rules are rules. "Until then, you know the rules. Women go back to the palace kitchen and cook. Able-bearded men, go to school or go to work.” He orders. “Any questions?” He asks as a courtesy.  You dare not ask Obong a question. With no questions asked, he raises his staff to dismiss the meeting.

"Today is a new term in school, so we have many things to cook. Drop Utibe at school and come straight to the palace kitchen. No investigation today.” My mother warns. At Utibe’s school, I see some boys lined up in front of the SSS building. Their teachers use a ruler to measure their beards before letting them inside. Some boys are turned back to the JSS building after measurement.

Utibe touches his beards and turns to me. “What if my beards are not long enough by the time I want to enter senior class, or what if the beard witch takes it? Will I have to repeat JS3?" He asks. "I will not let that happen," I promise.

Back at the palace kitchen, the women are discussing Akpan and Udo’s misfortune while we cook Ekpang nkukwo but my attention is on Kufe, who I can see pacing in front of Udoudo’s room with his hands in his pocket; the same pocket he had the Udaiya Idap leaves. Moments later, Kufre is no longer in front of the room. Instead, I see movement inside the room. I sneak my way to the front of Udoudo’s room. One of the leaves is on the floor where Kufre was standing earlier. I pick it up to sniff a bit, and just as I suspected, it makes me a little drowsy. The movement continues inside the room, but the doors and windows are shut. I rush to the palace store a few rooms away and climb into the roof through a loose ceiling. After 18 years of cooking in the palace, I have discovered a lot of secret entrances. I drop into Udoudo’s room through a loose ceiling right above his wardrobe, and I land right behind the person inside. He tries to turn around and fight me, but I use my scarf to cover his eyes. I cannot wait to put an end to this.

The next morning, we wake up to wails, but I'm sure this will be the last time because of what I did yesterday. After Obong tells us that Udoudo was the latest victim, he says he has one more thing to say and calls Kufre to the platform. “Kufre was a security guard meant to protect my sons, but we have realized something." Obong says. “He is a failure.” Obong raises up some Udaiya Idap leaves. “These leaves help him sleep at day so he can stay awake all night and protect my sons, but he still failed. All he does is drink palm wine and tell lies so we have demoted him to palace gateman.” All eyes go to Kufre whose beards are now at chin level.

"The search for the witch continues. Until then, you know the rules. Women go to the palace kitchen and cook. Able-bearded men, go to school or to work.” He orders. I don’t understand. This should have ended by now. Obong says, "Any questions?" and I raise my hand. "What are you doing?" My mother whispers, trying to pull down my hand. "Putting an end to this.” I whisper back. I walk to the platform, my face hidden in my scarf as 120 people glare at me.

“Obong, now that none of your sons are able-bearded men like the women here, why are they still going to school or work? Shouldn’t they join us in the kitchen? And shouldn’t I now be able to go to school? After all, rules are rules.”

Everyone gasps as I drop my scarf, revealing my newly acquired beards. I hear my mother wail from the back. She raised a witch. The beard witch.

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